


Only The Dark Can Feel My Touch

by tabbytabbytabby



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Feels, Good Theo Raeken, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Theo Raeken, Loss, M/M, Post-Canon, Theo Raeken Needs a Hug, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 16:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15489738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: When something happens to Liam during a fight with a group of hunters, Theo doesn't handle it very well. It's up to Liam's parents, and Derek and Stiles to help him through it.





	Only The Dark Can Feel My Touch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TrashWrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashWrites/gifts).



> For Sab, for her birthday. Happy Birthday! Hope you Like it.
> 
> Also, for the cry into chest spot on Bad Things Happen Bingo.
> 
> Title is From [I Can't Decide](https://open.spotify.com/track/49T0ZffpjT7ewXcuYTWXhr) by There For Tomorrow, and it also played a big part in setting the tone for the fic.  
> [Live acoustic version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x70in4JNtAo) for those that don't have spotify and want to listen, since it's the only actual version on YouTube.

The attack isn’t a surprise. The pack has been keeping track of this group of rogue hunters for a while now as they’ve made their way across the United States. The problem is they’ve always been too late to stop them from doing any damage. Theo can tell it’s weighing on Scott. His first instinct is always to help people and all these losses are taking their toll. Even though it’s people none of them even know it still hurts.

While Scott’s been away tracking the hunters with Derek, Malia, and Peter, Beacon Hills has fallen into the hands of the younger wolves and human members of the pack. Theo included. Fortunately things have been pretty calm. But there’s always that worry that the peace won’t last. Which is why Theo isn’t the least bit surprised when he gets a panicked call from Scott saying that the hunters are in California and seem to be heading right for Beacon Hills.

They’re at least prepared this time, but they’re still outnumbered when the hunters first arrive. They do their best, running through the preserve and taking the hunters down with some traps Mason and Corey had set up a while ago. The good thing about them was that they didn’t activate until someone set them off, so Theo and Liam were able to get in the clear before the nets went up, taking the hunters with them. Theo had suggested an explosion or a claw trap but the others had quickly sided against him.

Liam gets a call from Scott telling them to meet him and the others in a clearing a few miles ahead so they can work on their strategy. Theo feels relieved for a moment that they’re here. They’re odds are better now. Surely that means they can make it out of this. Except they get to the clearing and find it in chaos. The pack is there but so are hunters.

Theo doesn’t think before immediately jumping in and throwing off a hunter that had been attempting to choke Derek with his gun. Derek gives him and nod of thanks and then runs off to rejoin the fight. Theo’s about to run off himself when he feels a hand on his arm. He looks over to see Liam’s blue eyes staring at him. He leans up and places a quick kiss to Theo’s lips, “Be careful.”

Theo nods, “You too.”

Liam just grins, “Aren’t I always?”

Theo wants to argue that he’s not but there’s no time. All he can do is fondly shake his head before turning his attention to the hunter coming towards him, his knife out and ready to cut Theo if Theo gives him the chance. Liam disappears, running off to help Mason and Corey. Theo loses himself in the fighting, easily taking down hunter after hunter. He thinks things are going well until he hears a panicked shout from across the field.

“LIAM!”

Theo’s head snaps towards the sound, his eyes landing on where Liam is standing. Things seem to happen in slow motion. Theo starts forward as a hunter raises his blade and drives it down. Theo’s steps falter as he watches the blade disappear into Liam’s back and then his eyes snap up, meeting Liam’s wide and fearful ones. Theo’s still too far away. He needs to get there. Liam stares at him with tear filled eyes and whispers out a broken, “I’m sorry. I love you.” before the sword is twisted and then pulled from his chest. Theo can only watch as he slowly crumples to the ground. Theo stumbles forward, a roar of rage escaping his throat. He sees red.

He hears Stiles whispering to Scott, “This won’t be good,” before he launches himself at the hunters, slicing mercilessly at them,  until all that’s left is a bloody heap of bodies. Then he turns to Liam and falls to his knees next to him, bringing his hands shakily up to his face.

“Liam,” He whispers, feeling his eyes well up with tears when he doesn’t get a response. Part of him knew better than to expect one. There’s no heartbeat or breath left in Liam. His eyes just stare blankly ahead, no longer seeing. Theo’s hand moves up and gently closes Liam’s eyes.

He lets out a broken sob of Liam’s name before picking him up and running with him out of the forest, ignoring the others calls after him. He brings Liam home and changes him out of his bloody clothes, cleaning the blood off his skin gently before dressing him in his favorite jeans and hoodie. Then he lays him on the bed and crawls in next to him and just curls up at his side, with his head on Liam’s chest. He starts sobbing again at the lack of heartbeat.

“I’m so sorry,” Theo sobs, clutching Theo tighter, “I’m so sorry Liam. It should have been me.”

Scott comes first, banging on the door and begging Theo to let him in. They both know Scott could easily break the door down if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. He just sighs after not getting a response and leaves. Next is Derek, his tone calm and reassuring, asking Theo to let him in, and telling him he can’t keep Liam locked away like this. That it’s not good for him. Part of Theo knows he’s right, but he’s so out of his mind with grief that he can’t see reason right now. He just knows that he can’t let Liam go. Not yet.

_But he’s already gone_ , he thinks _, he’s been gone. You’re just prolonging the inevitable_.

“I love you, Liam,” Theo says, moving his hand up to stroke Liam’s cheek. His skin is cold now, and that just makes Theo cry harder. “I love you so much.”

It’s hours later when Jenna comes home. She tries the door and sighs when she finds it locked. When she speaks her voice is thick with tears, “Theo sweetheart, please let me in. I know you’re hurting but we need to take him.”

“He doesn’t like the cold,” Theo whispers.

From the sniffle outside the door he knows Jenna hears. “I know,” Jenna whispers back, just as softly, “I know. But you can’t keep him in there like this, Theo. You know that.”

Theo tucks his face into Liam’s neck and sobs. Liam’s familiar scent is fading and the rotten smell of death is taking over already. “It doesn't smell like him anymore.”

Theo can hear Jenna crying quietly outside the door and feels a stab of guilt, “He’s not… that’s not him anymore sweetheart. He’s someplace else. And he wouldn’t want to see you like this. So please, open the door.”

Theo wants to say no. He wants to lock himself in here with Liam. To let himself wither away until he’s just an empty shell like Liam is. But he knows Liam wouldn’t want that. And he can’t do that to Jenna. He gets to his feet and unlocks the door before returning to the bed. He sits there, his eyes on Liam as the door opens and Jenna’s quiet footsteps enter the room, followed by David’s.

“Oh Liam,” Jenna sobs, kneeling down next to the bed and resting her head on Liam’s stomach as her shoulders shake.

David stand behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder as he cries silently.

“I’m sorry,” Theo whispers.

Jenna lifts her head and looks up at him, “What for?”

“I couldn’t save him,” Theo says. “I tried to get to him but I was too late. I never should have let him go off without me. This is my fault.”

“No,” Jenna says, her voice firm, “No, this is not your fault Theo. The only people at fault are those hunters and from what I hear they got exactly what they deserved.”

“I killed them,” Theo mutters, not feeling anything at the words.

“They took Liam from us,” Jenna says, “That’s the least they deserved.”

“Jenna…” David warns.

Jenna shakes her head, “No. I’m tired of this no killing crap. I get it, I do. The pack wants to be good and better than the monsters they’re facing, but there comes a time where you just have to do what’s necessary.”

Theo doesn’t even think of it as doing what was necessary. He just wanted to make the people that hurt Liam suffer. The people that had _killed_ him. He feels sick at the thought. The proof is staring right at him but he still doesn’t want to believe it.

“We have to let the coroners take him,” David tells them. “So they can get him to the funeral home and we can make preparations.”

Jenna starts sobbing again, “Funeral preparations. He was only 19. I should not be burying my baby.”

Theo watches as the men come in with the stretcher and lift Liam’s body onto it. He watches as they place a sheet over him, hiding him from view. Then as they wheel him out of the room and towards the stairs. He stays there, staring down at the spot Liam had just been. His place in the bed. The only place he liked to sleep. The place he’d never sleep in again.

Theo gets up and shuts the door again, before turning off the light. He makes his way to the window and looks out it, watching as they put Liam into the back of the car and close it. Jenna and David are there, their arms wrapped around each other as they watch the car drive off with their son. Theo closes the curtains and goes back to the bed.

He doesn’t feel tired. Sad and angry maybe, but not tired. He just lays there on his back, his eyes on the ceiling, watching the shadows dance across it. He’s alone now. Jenna and David went off to talk to the funeral director and Liam… Theo takes a shuddering breath and closes his eyes, his body starting to shake as sobs take over. He spend the night screaming and crying into Liam’s pillow, only falling asleep when he’s exhausted himself from the crying.

***

_“Theo, come on!” Liam shouts, grinning up at Theo from the pool._

_“I told you I didn’t want to swim,” Theo tells him. “But you go ahead.”_

_“But it’s boring without you,” Liam pouts._

_Theo sighs and bends down next to the pool, “I’m still right here, Li.”_

_“Hmm you are,” Liam says, swimming over to the edge of the pool and leaning his arms on it. “Come down here.”_

_“Why?” Theo asks._

_“Because I want to kiss my boyfriend,” Liam says, rolling his eyes._

_Theo knows it’s a bad idea, but he still leans down, meeting Liam’s lips in a soft kiss. Liam’s hand moves to the back of his neck and pulls him closer. Then suddenly the world is tipping forward. Theo’s arms flail as he falls forward. He expects to land with a splash in the water but instead he winds himself in Liam’s arms. Liam just grins at him, “You really should be more careful, Theo.”_

_Theo narrows his eyes, “You did that on purpose.”_

_“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Liam says, the picture of innocence._

_Theo doesn’t buy it for a second, “You’re a menace.”_

_“But I’m your menace,” Liam grins, “And you love me.”_

_Theo shakes his head before leaning down to nose at Liam’s cheek, “I do. More than anything.”_

_“I love you too,” Liam tells him, brushing Theo’s hair back with a wet hand. “Now you’re already in here and wet, you might as well swim with me.”_

***

_Who told you to leave me all alone_   
_Leave me in the dark_   
_Leave me in the cold_   
_Who told you to leave before I could show_   
_You half of the man you wanted to know_   
_But I had to face your last goodbye_   
_But I had to face your last goodbye_   
_The look on my face, my bloodshot eyes_   
_So who won the war deep down inside?_   
_I can't decide_

When he wakes up he just lays there. It’s still dark in the room, but it’s always that way with the curtains closed. He knows it must be morning or early afternoon by now, but it doesn’t seem to matter. He has no reason to get up. His sense of purpose died along with Liam.

The next few days pass in a blur, at least until Jenna appears one day telling him he needs to get up and shower before handing him a garment bag. Theo doesn’t have to look to know what it is. It’s a suit. For Liam’s funeral.

Theo reluctantly gets up and showers and then just stands there, staring at himself in the foggy mirror. He barely recognizes the man looking back at him. His eyes are empty and red rimmed with bags underneath them. His lips are dry and cracked. His skin pale.

He shakes his head and moves to the door leading to his room. He sits on the bed for a bit in his boxers, telling himself it’s so he can dry off. He knows it’s because he knows the moment he puts the suit on this becomes more real. He’s not sure he’s ready for that yet.

Theo looks up when there’s a knock on the door and Derek enters. He gives Theo a small smile as he shuts the door, “Jenna thought you might need help with the suit.”

“Yeah,” Theo says, suddenly realizing he can’t remember the last time he worse one, if ever. “I don’t know how to tie a tie, Derek. I can’t show up to Liam’s funeral without a properly tied tie. What am I going to do?”

Derek’s hand moves to rest on his bare shoulder, “I know how to tie a tie. Don’t you worry about that, okay? Now come on, get up and get dressed.”

Theo does, his limbs feeling heavy as he works on getting the suit on. When he’s dressed he stands there and let Derek work on his tie. Derek's hands are careful and sure as they work on the knot, “Where did you learn how to tie a tie?”

“My Dad taught me,” Derek says, “My parents went to a lot of fancy dinners so I had to learn early on. It hasn’t been useful lately but I still make sure I remember how just in case. You never know when the need to tie a tie will arise.”

“Yeah,” Theo says softly, looking down at the tie, “It’s perfect.”

Theo has to close his eyes against the storm of emotions that start building in him. _This should be for something else, not his funeral_. But Theo knows those thoughts are no use.

The drive to the funeral home is a quiet one. He rides with Derek and Stiles in the car behind Jenna and David. They’re the first ones there when they arrive. Theo slowly enters the room where the service is going to be held, his eyes falling on the casket. He can see Liam there, his arms crossed perfectly across his chest.

“Theo,” Derek says, putting a hand on his arm.

Theo shakes him off and slowly starts forward, “I need a moment. Please. Before everyone gets here.”

“Of course,” Stiles says, taking Derek’s hand and starting to lead him away. “We’ll make sure you get it.”

Theo’s feet feel like lead as he walks forward, his breathing becames labored the closer he gets to the casket. He closes his eyes before he gets there, almost afraid to look. But he knows he has to. He needs to do this and have whatever reaction he’s going to before people arrive.

Theo slowly opens his eyes and has to bring a hand up to his mouth as he takes Liam in. His hands grip the coffin for support as he starts sobbing.

“Liam, god. No. This isn’t… this is wrong.”

No matter how much he might wish Liam wasn’t dead, he knows that it’s pointless. Liam’s gone. He has the proof right in front of him.

“It doesn’t even look like him,” Theo whispers.

“Oh honey, I know,” Jenna sighs, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Theo moves until he’s facing her and wraps his arms around her waist. Her other hand comes up to card through Theo’s hair as he sobs against her chest. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Let it out.”

Theo feels a little guilty about breaking down like this in front of Jenna. She’s lost her son, after all. But he knows he needs to. He can’t keep it all bottled up. And Liam would want them to lean on each other for support.

“I miss him so much,” Theo sobs, his words coming out choked.

“I know you do,” Jenna says, her voice thick with tears. “We all do sweetheart. But I know how much he meant to you, how much you meant to him.” She pulls back and cups his cheek, making sure Theo is looking at her, “I need you to know that you’re always going to be part of this family Theo. Always.”

Theo nods and hugs her again. This time he feels her start to shake against him so he holds on tighter. They’re still standing like that when David walks up. He puts an arm around both of them and pulls them close.

“I know you needed time but people are starting to arrive,” David says, his voice low.

Jenna takes a deep breath and pulls back, dabbing at her eyes with the handkerchief David offers her. Then she moves to stand next to Theo, with David on her other side. The three stand there, taking strength in each other as people start to pile into the room and line up to see Liam.

It’s hard, standing there next to Liam’s body and having people come up to offer their condolences. Theo only recognizes a few of them, but they seem to know him. They tell him about how much Liam loved him, and how he always seemed so happy and proud when he talked about him. All Theo can do is nod and thank them, trying to keep calm while inside he’s breaking apart.

When it’s over, they go to the cemetery and Theo zones out as the preacher speaks again. He doesn’t need to hear what the man is saying. It’s just empty words, at least to him. Nothing he says is going to help. It’s not going to ease this constant ache in his chest, or bring Liam back to him.

Then it’s over. They’re all placing flowers on Liam’s casket and people start to filter out, walking back to their cars. Theo stands there, unable to make himself leave. He knows the moment he walks away this will be it. Liam will go in the ground and Theo will be left alone.

Because he is. Everyone else has walked away, deciding to give Theo privacy. “You always had so much faith in me Liam,” Theo says, running his hand along the smooth wood of the coffin. “More faith than I ever deserved. I tried so hard to be good, for you and for myself. I just hope that you saw that.”

“He did, Theo,” Stiles says, startling Theo by his sudden appearance. “He saw who you are more than anyone else ever did. At least at first. But you… you have to know you’re not alone in this. I know how easy it would probably be for you to crawl into the coffin and go with him. But that’s not what he’d want. He’d want you to live.”

“I know,” Theo says. “Why do you think I’m even still standing here? If I was going to kill myself to be with him I would have done it already. But I think we both know that where he is and where I’m going are two completely different places.”

“I don’t think so,” Stiles says, his face thoughtful, “In the past I might have been quick to say you’d be going straight to hell. But I can see how much you’ve changed. Our past doesn’t have to define us man. You want a shot at being with Liam again, you have one.”

“If you say so,” Theo sighs, his eyes drifting to the sky. It’s gray and cloudy. Theo wouldn’t be surprised if it rained. Which would be fine by him. It could pour for all he cares. It’d certainly be fitting for how he’s feeling.

“I don’t say so,” Stiles says. “But I do know. One day you could see him again. You just have to want it.”

Theo scoffs, ‘Of course I want to see Liam again. And why does this matter so much to you anyway?”

Stiles is silent for a moment, his eyes drifting over to where John is talking to Jenna and David. Of course. Theo sighs, “Your Dad?”

Stiles shrugs, “And me. I have to believe that one day I’ll see my Mom again. The real her and not some manipulated version of her. I have to. Not just for me, but for my Dad. Losing her wasn’t easy on him. Some days he didn’t even get out of bed.”

“What made him do it?” Theo asks.

“Melissa,” Stiles says, smiling at the memory, “She showed up one day and dragged him out of bed, telling him he needed to get up and take care of himself and his son. That I’d already lost one parent and that it wouldn’t be fair to make me lose another.”

“I can see why it worked,” Theo says, “Melissa can be pretty scary.”

Stiles laughs at that, “Yeah she can. Remember that time Scott broke the vase and tried to hide the broken pieces in another vase?”

Theo doesn’t even realize Stiles has started to lead him away until they’re almost back to the road, his constant chatter distracting him from everything else. He stills, his posture going rigid as his head turns back towards Liam.

_It’s not Liam_ , he tries to tell himself, _Liam’s gone._

“It’s okay Theo,” Stiles says, resting a hand on his arm. “It’s okay. Breathe. If you need to go back…”

Theo feels his eyes filling with tears at the thought of leaving Liam alone here. He wants nothing more than to go back and curl up beside the open earth. But he doesn’t. He imagines how disappointed Liam would be if he did that and he shakes his head, taking a deep breath. “No it’s… we can go.”

Knowing he should go doesn’t mean he doesn’t cry the further they get away from the grave. But Stiles is there, and soon Derek is too on his other side, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him close. “Walking away is one of the hardest parts. You’re already doing so well.”

“I hate leaving him alone,” Theo whispers.

“We’ll come see him in the morning then,” Derek tells him. “Or at any point tonight when you think you need to.”

“We?”

“Yeah, we. We’re going to be with you Theo,” Derek says. “You shouldn’t be alone tonight.”

“Yeah, so we’re having a sleepover at Derek’s tonight,” Stiles says.

“But Jenna and David…” Theo says.

“We’ll be fine,” Jenna tells him. “You need this Theo. You need to be around your pack. And when you’re ready, you can come home.”

All Theo can do is nod. He hugs Jenna and David, promising them he’ll call if he needs anything. He makes them do the same, though he doubts they will. He just needs them to know they can. That he’s there. Jenna just places a kiss on his cheek, tells him she loves him, and then lets David lead her away.

Getting in the car and driving away from the cemetery isn’t easy. He feels like his heart is breaking all over again, not that it ever really stopped. He stares out the window, watching as the tent covering Liam’s grave becomes smaller and smaller until it’s no longer in view. He almost has Stiles stop and turn the car around then but Derek squeezes his hand, offering him the silent support he needs.

Just like he’s there when Theo sneaks out that night and goes to see Liam, and all the nights after that when he wakes up screaming. They all are, reminding Theo that he’s not alone. It doesn’t necessarily make things easier, but he doesn’t want them to be. He needs to feel this pain, at least for now. But it makes the pain more bearable. Right now, that’s all that he can hope for.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/Comments make my day. ♥  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


End file.
